I am working against a gang mentality between my two sons. I am terrified for their futures together and with others that will lead or follow them in the future. Son two lies easily as if he can not tell that his version of what happened is just not true. AND HE STOLE MY CHOCOLATE STASH tonight from the very top of the pantry.I knew I shouldn't have stashed it there. That bit of chocolate is the only thing that keeps me sane some days. When we stop for icees on the way to the children's museum tomorrow (because it is 116 degrees here) I'll remind him that my chocolate cost the same amount as an icee, meaning he doesn't get one.
Yesterday, son one was targeting daughter one as usual, as their almost identical demeanors often set each other off. Because he repeatedly threatened to hit her, I got her in the car, knowing that I had left my cell phone in the house, and went to the library. We had a nice time together, but while I was gone I knew he was flipping the couch over, punching the blinds to break the slats, and throwing my phone. I had a sick feeling in my stomach about the phone but tried to have a good time with my daughter. I was right...I got back an hour later to a house that had been trashed but then kind of cleaned up. The couch was turned upright again, and my dear lifeline, my cell phone, was broken in half. My son impressed me with a mature admittal, apology, and solution. I acknowledged his maturity, but was too angry and mournful to speak about my phone. I still am. I simply can not afford the $150 to replace it.
Before each incident happened, I knew that it was going to happen. When am I going to learn to stop and listen to my gut instinct no matter how swept away I am in constant chores and needful children?
There is so much more to process and share, but right now I just need chocolate.
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