Tonight Brennan went on his first date to his first high school dance in his first suit. When his date walked in my front door (her mom is driving them to the dance) he gave her a rose that he had cleaned the house for 30 minutes to earn the money for. Her mom asked them to stand close together to take pictures, her with a pretty dress and curled hair, holding the bloom of the rose just under her chin; him with a calm, content, manly look on his face, standing close to her but not too close, and I started tearing up. For the first time ever, HE told ME to suck it up, thinking that being overly emotional was not appropriate. If you knew Brennan, you'd understand how ironic that is. They walked out the door, and I couldn't close the door fast enough because I started bawlin' like a baby. I called my go-to person in times like this, and told her that I was crying because they looked so beautiful, and he was growing up so fast, and all the typical reasons a mom cries on a night like tonight. Then I went upstairs to have a moment of privacy on the phone, because I realized the real reason I was crying: Tonight Brennan was NORMAL. Just a normal guy on a normal date with a normal girl to a normal dance at a normal school...
...and I was so happy for him to have this experience in his life
...and I was so proud of him for being so mature, calm, and content
...and I was so heartbroken that he has severe difficulties that make nights like this seem so
ABNORMAL for him
...and I was so heartbroken that the dance will be over and he will return to his version of normal by morning
My go-to person said that this may be a turning point for him and he will realize the benefits of controlling his anger and other emotions. With little confidence I said 'yeah' because if Brennan keeps it together when he gets home tonight, I'll be walking on egg shells until his 'normal' facade peels away and he returns to normal.
OK...time to go. My little girls were inspired by Brennan's dates' beauty. They have put on their very fanciest dresses and done their hair. We're going to snuggle, watch a movie, and eat popcorn. It's amazing how being with my three little ones feels so normal.
