lost

This morning was not a regular morning but I failed to see it. Our downstairs dog growled and barked at 5:30, waking me up. I could see nothing wrong in the yard so I went back to bed until the alarm rang. 6:30 came, and four dogs, three kids, and I went downstairs to start breakfast. The dogs went outside and kept barking. The downstairs dog had thrown up during the night, making a widespread mess, so I broke routine to clean the floor. Then we got back to the normal routine of feeding the dogs.

Sadie, Holly and Shekia did not come to their food bowls. I ran outside to see if the gate was open. I ran inside, told the kids to wake Brennan up, grabbed my keys and ran to the car. In my pajamas. With my hair sticking up all over my head. I found Shekia quickly and got her in the car. Sadie and Holly were just gone. For the next hour and a half, we drove around the neighborhood, stopping at home often to see if they found their way back. My heart was breaking. Imagine how my little ones felt, just joining a stable forever family last year? At 8:30 I took the kids home to eat breakfast. Everyone seemed to be holding it together. They were not acting out, which I was very thankful for. During my shower/cry I realized there was nothing else to do but pray and wait until the shelters opened. I prayed for Holly and Sadie. I prayed for our chihuahua who is severely attached to Holly. I prayed for my kids to not have to grieve the loss of those dogs. I prayed for guidance to show up at the right place at the right time today so I could bring Sadie and Holly home safely.

As I was drying off, the doorbell rang! Women who live 3-4 streets away had seen our dogs running and told me to follow them to where the dogs were last seen. Holly and Sadie were on the move, but they stopped in the middle of the road when they heard us calling them. I piled them in our small car on top of the children. The sight of the two women who had driven around our large neighborhood to find where we lived brought tears to my eyes. Okay, the truth is that I bawled like a baby. I was so relieved and grateful!

After getting Holly and Sadie home, we had a family celebration (hugs and dancing and some juice that I save for special occasions). Brennan hugged all of us again in the office of his high school. Wow, right?! On the way to the elementary school, the sun was shining through the clouds on the mountains. What a great opportunity to thank God again for keeping our dogs safe. We just wouldn't be the same without Holly and Sadie in our lives.

After I stop shaking and the adrenaline wears off, I am going to bake goodies for the dog-lovers who reunited us with our babies. We'll take cake and home-made thank you cards to them tonight.

support

I've been attending a parent support group at my children's behavioral health agency for two months now. The benefits have been surprising.

I got info about a very good developmental pediatrician in Phoenix, and the reading specialist in the practice will be tutoring two of my children during the summer. The nutritionist at the practice will hopefully be able to help my child with high cholesterol and poor eating habits.

I have met more parents who have adopted 4+ children, and need to network with them. Support is good.

Our parent group got neck and back massages (real, professional ones) and did art therapy projects last Thursday.

This quote from a meeting is worth posting here:

 “Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own.”
― Marguerite Kelly

Dolly

Last Friday, my parents' dog of 14 years had to be put down due to kidney failure. All of you dog mamas know how painful that is. They decided they would wait a while until they got a new dog, and maybe enjoy not having someone waiting for them to come home every time they went out somewhere.

Until last night ... when my dad got on the Arizona Humane Society website. As soon as he saw her photo, he knew. He was planning to call the Humane Society this morning to ask about her, but I insisted that he needed to be there when they opened their doors this morning or someone else would get her. My sister and I went with my mom and dad to the Humane Society, hoping that she was still available for adoption. Thirty seconds after we stood at the locked front door, another couple got in line with us, saying they were excited about the little white poodle mix. My dad tried to suppress his "I won" smile. He's such a kid sometimes.

The dog, their new dog, is AWESOME. She is very delicate, playful, timid and sweet. She and I bonded immediately. I think she will be spunky and make lots of messes, but my parents are both home all day so she will have the supervision she needs. Her new name is Dolly, after my dad's favorite singer.

I need to learn how to post photos here. She is truly adorable.

I've had to change my clothes because my dogs are so interested and excited about the new dog smell. They must know I went to the shelter where I got all of them. They must be asking me, "I know you got a new dog today, so where is she??"

Pound puppies are the best kind of dogs. Thank God for Dolly, Shekia, Lucky, Sadie, and Holly. Tinkerbell ... I got that little rat-dog at a yard sale ;)

processing

After reading Cindy Bodie's post today about a mentally ill man who stabbed a police officer after telling his mother he needed to go to the hospital (for mental health issues), I commented the following in her blog:

Do you think the NY man's mom was in temporary shock and denial, or do you think she typically enables him by staying in denial of his issues? I know of a mom who blames the police and the stupid law for her son's repeated parole violations. Now he is in prison for accumulating those violations.

I try to keep my head above water in the traumatic situations my son gets himself, and me, into. I try to keep my head clear so I do not enable him. It is a bit of a struggle, as I blogged a few minutes ago, because I am terrified of him going to jail.

I keep thinking, well, my son isn't hurting anyone, just the house. Where will I draw the line? Where do you draw the line?

It's a very fine line between teaching my son a lesson by sending him to jail for breaking the ceiling, and causing trauma and pain for both of us that he may not learn his lesson from. I keep thinking "It's just drywall. He will lose privileges and work around the house for money until he can fix the hole." Am I protecting him from something I should protect him from? Or am I protecting him from something I shouldn't?

I HATE this part of my job.

Now I sound like a teenager.

I feel very far removed from the mother of the man in NY who gave a police officer a brain injury. I just don't feel like my son's issues are as severe as his. Maybe they aren't. Or maybe that mother had my very same thoughts of protecting her son when he was fourteen, and enabled him to grow into a man who committed several crimes and put a young dad in the hospital. Or maybe mental illness is something neither Brennan or I will have enough control over.

Again, I HATE this part of my job.

again

Brennan, 14, threw a fit yesterday because I wouldn't let him go play in a kiddie pool with a 7 and 9 year old. He is too big for the pool, too old for the kids, and he had to get ready for his Boy Scouts meeting. He threw couch pillows, shoes, pictures off the wall, whatever he could get his hands on to try to get out of the meeting and make me change my mind. Like that ever works?! Then he screamed "It's not fair" twenty plus times at the top of his lungs. I took a moment to say "No, it's not fair. It's not fair that you are screaming and throwing things around my house" as if that would help him see my rational point of view. It made me feel slightly better though. After he settled down I walked through the house to survey the damage and found a baseball sized hole in the drywall. Again.

Brennan says he made that hole "on accident" last week. I didn't notice a hole until last night, which means it didn't happen until last night. I notice everything. Even though he had made the hole last week, or someone else had made the hole, he needs to realize that he will be a suspect for all damage in areas where he has his rages, here at home and out in public. He is also responsible for any damage he causes, whether accidental or during a rage.

We calmly went to Boy Scouts, then I got the littles to bed, and privately called the police to file a report. I watched a (weird) movie with Brennan, then George Lopez, and when the police pulled up to the house I let him know I had called. Imagine how chaotic our night would have been if Brennan had been consequenced earlier. The littles have state testing today at school, so I made sure they had a normal night and plenty of sleep.

The officer took a while to decide whether or not to take Brennan to jail. I could not be part of that decision. I want him to learn to control himself, and jail may be a good lesson, but it will break me to send him. So I stood with Officer Burke and Brennan and listened to their conversation. Brennan was at risk for being arrested for lying to an officer, destruction of property, and truancy. I was surprised to see Brennan truthfully report that he has been skipping school. Officer Burke was supportive of Brennan's mental health issues, and taught Brennan alot about his place in this world regardless of those issues. He did a pretty good job.

Then the officer told me that I need to beef up discipline around here. He said a child who put a hole in a ceiling should not have been allowed to sit downstairs and watch TV. He said I only am required to give him food and water. He said it's even warm enough to make him stay in the backyard. That's where Officer Burke lost me. I can't imagine a day, or even an hour, with Brennan living on the patio and LEARNING from his situation. Kids like Brennan don't learn that way. His abandonment and self-esteem issues would kick in so badly that he would bust down the door to get back into the same room with me. Again.

Brennan is being consequenced appropriately. His mama knows best.

I don't know what else to say about this issue. I am certainly feeling hypervigilant yet exhausted from the rushing adrenaline last night. Good thing he went to school this morning. I need a break. Again.

One Perfect Word

One Perfect Word, by Debbie Macomber, has the subtitle "One Word Can Make ALL the Difference". The book is outstanding. For years, she has been chosing one word to explore, and live with/live by all year. She describes her experiences with words like trust, believe, brokenness, balance, hope, purpose. What a courageous, soulful way to live for a year. I hesitate to be public with this, but the word "connection" seems to be the word I need to live with and explore right now.

Brennan went camping with the Boy Scouts all weekend. When I picked him up this morning, the worst thing his Scout Leader had to say was he ate all the food and they had to go get more...AND Brennan is being impulsive but really mellow and ... NICE. I always find hiking in the mountains to be spiritual and soul-cleansing. Maybe he had the same experience. I love how mature he is today.

I need a hike in the mountains now. I am nervous, waiting for the nice to end. I hate walking on egg shells.