friend

I'm blogging alot today!

Email reply sent to Amanda Smotherman, an incredible person that I respect a great deal:

Well, I just jumped for joy. I thought I wouldn't get to hear 'the rest of the story'...or learn more about how an awesomely Christian mom deals with such hard kids. I don't blog much either. I get it. Some things just can't be written about. It's better to forget and move on. It's better to respect privacy, and most people wouldn't understand our experiences or decisions, anyway. People ae too quick to judge. It's hurtful. I've put some heavy things on my blog, which is why I thought you didn't respond to me. I thought my lack of reliance on Jesus in my hardest times was enough proof that ... well ... silly, right? But I keep trying, daily, to keep my head and heart in the right place by asking God for help.


I can't see myself being disappointed in your writings. If I see you falter, well, then I know you're human, and I see the humanity in myself, and I can forgive myself more readily for my own mistakes.


I don't think I blogged this: My teenager, Brennan, was trying to think of hurtful things to say to me. He was in the middle of a three hour long rage/mind-game/control battle against us, even though we weren't playing his game. He 'hurtfully' said, "You only adopted us for your own happiness. That's how selfish you are!" I could only frown tiredly and say "Do I look happy to you?" and explain, again, my unconditional love, and his mistrust of it, and lack of give-and-take (his is mostly take-and-take).

 
God bless Caleb and his love for you. Hurts my heart a little to see him needing to know that you are happy. He's a good boy. But, I know that he knows deep down that your happiness on earth isn't the issue, it's your eternal happiness that will be so awesome! So I am hoping he takes comfort in that, and doesn't worry about his mama as much?

 
I'm sorry to hear that he is still away. I'm looking forward to finding out how everyone has been...I'll start reading right after I clean this house!


So glad to have friends to walk with down Adoption Street,


Jen in Phoenix

food

Comment I just posted at Cindy Bodie's blog:

I struggle with food choices daily. I am having health issues, and am slooowly talking myself into making changes. I've been gluten free for 6 years, I had also given up dairy and sugar for 2 years, and desperately need to do it again.

Have you read "The Crazy Sexy Diet"? It's about eating a vegan diet with 80% alkaline foods and 20% acidic foods daily. Very interesting. I have to kick my sugar, carb and dairy addictions first.

I'd feel so much better...if I didn't rely on the food to help me deal with stress.

funnies

JJ: "Mom, is Grandpa John our uncle?"

________

Eva:  "Angelica came back to school yesterday."

Mom:  "Where was she?"

Eva:  "In Mexico. For a lot of days."

Elisa:  "I'm glad she's safe. Bad things can happen to you in Mexico, you know."

Mom:  "Like what?"

Elisa:  "A meteor can fall from the sky on you. I saw it on TV."

nerd

I am a self-proclaimed nerd, so this reallllly is exciting ...

In case you have ever wondered ...

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_full_chemical_name_of_titan

the longest word in the English language.

TA-DAAA!!!

crazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyYv80hibTw

Call me crazy but when I watched this video, I cried at the end. I often feel grief for what happened to Jesus, especially when thinking of the story from His mother's perspective. Breaks my heart.

We're supposed to celebrate our salvation, but sometimes I can not get past the grieving.

Thanks to Amanda Smotherman for the link.

hoard

Tonight, B, my teen, needed regression therapy, or whatever you call it, where I had to interact with him like he was two years old, because at the moment, he was. So I physically prevented him from taking every shiny thing that caught his eye and claiming it for himself. He's alot bigger than me, and I must have looked like a high school wrestler. Maybe even college level. He got his needs met and snapped out of it. Then he asked me if I was ok. My face was beet red and I was dripping with sweat. But he got to see me in action again. When I say 'don't steal', I mean it. I will do everything in my power to prevent him from stealing, until he learns to control his impulses himself, or moves out at 18, whichever comes first. He knows I'll fight for him. That is a gift I insist on giving him. I love him that much.

Before that, I half-way cleaned my office, then jumped head first with my girls for an extensive clean of their room. Looked a little like one of those episodes of Hoarders. One of my girls does not care about the mess, and the other girl keeps everything. We pulled it all out of their room except for their dresser and the clothes hanging in their closet. Most of the stuff did not return to their room. It looks so much better now. I love that they were willing to clean their rooms to avoid the consequence of missing our fun plans tomorrow. It is so much easier to teach a child who has motivation.

I am fighting a big bad enemy that has slowly snuck up on me without me noticing: lying. I am now addressing it constantly, consistently, and sternly to let the kids know I have zero tolerance for lying. Even pretending something is true doesn't fly here anymore. One said "It's going to be 89 degrees today" like it was fact. No sir. You are honest, or you are quiet. Some of the kids are getting better, some are not. I'll be more flexible after they learn how serious it is to have honesty and integrity.


I. Am. Exhausted.

Tomorrow brings hiking "to the top!" of a mountain, lunch with friends, then the movies to see Wreck It Ralph.

God bless our soldiers that put God and country before self. We owe you so much. Thank you for your honorable service.

really!

Lighting a fire under his butt doesn't usually work. So when I tell him of an impending consequence, I do so out of fairness so there are no surprises. He does not do well with surprises. If I know something might happen, he knows too.

So when I told him on Monday that he's got the rest of this semester to pass his classes or I'm transferring him to a credit-recovery school, I expected tons of anger, bullying, but no changes on his part. Three days ago he didn't mention it much. Two days ago, he yelled "I'm not going to that &#*% school" a few times. Yesterday, he came straight home after school, CALMLY took out his notebook, and DID HIS HOMEWORK. He SHOWED ME THE ESSAY he was drafting. He ASKED ME FOR FEEDBACK. Astonishing. Who was this kid?? I just listed four skills that he has *never* shown at home. More incredibly, he was doing this for almost an hour on a very distracting day: Halloween, just before time to get ready for trick-or-treating.

All of this severely contrasts with his behavior just two and three days ago, which I can't even blog about.

Can he really be this good?

Really?

Really!

And yes, if you knew this kid, you'd think the ALL CAPS are warranted, too.