Tuesday, October 30, 2012
work
Most of the things that fill my head daily are issues that I can not put in my blog. I check three other adoptive mama blogs daily, and feel a distant sense of community that way, plus I learn alot about parenting high-needs kids. Then I have to stay silent. I am sure these issues are common among the other families I read about. I still feel alone. I do have a solid support network in the behavioral health system here. That can be hard to come by. My older son's new case manager rocks! I had a huge, that-changes-everything event this morning with my son, and I know that Jeff will call me as soon as he turns his phone on and gets my messages. I am confident that we'll have a solid plan in place for how to help my son with the problem when he gets home. My younger son is stuck between being a sweet little kid and a teenager, and has the weight of the world on his shoulders sometimes. The breaks that he gets from school (aka 2-3 day out-of-school suspensions) give me a chance to reset his ways of thinking, and fill him with a sense of security and trust. Everyone needs a reset button. I have found his. My little (but growing!) girls have big watchful eyes, and are learning the wrong ways to express their independence. I have not found their reset buttons yet. All I've got on my side are consequences, and the girls do not yet take accountability for their actions. They tend to shut down or get mad at me for consequencing them. I've got my work cut out for me.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
quote
WISDOM is learning to let go when you want to hang on.
COURAGE is learning to hang on when you want to let go.
- Mark Amend
COURAGE is learning to hang on when you want to let go.
- Mark Amend
unfair
Brennan told me he was being bullied in fifth period. He told me the teacher didn't help him. I got his support system at school to rally around him. I got his therapist and mentor to talk with him about it at home. Brennan still got bullied, and ditched fifth period twice just before fall break.
This morning, Brennan got up in a good mood. He got up with very little help, and went straight to the shower. He did not mess up the bathroom. He got a nice outfit on, came downstairs, said bye to everyone, smiled a little, got all of his school stuff together without help, and left for school 15 minutes early. Hugely successful morning!
He called me from the office a few minutes ago, nearly in tears. He was being sent to ISS but didn't know why. My feathers got ruffled and I wanted to cry too. I called the Dean and found out that he was suspended for ditching fifth period 15 days ago. Of course, on the surface, it seems a suspension is warranted for ditching. But not for a kid like Brennan. Not today! He is just starting to accept that consequences are results of his actions instead of arbitrary attacks upon him. He was so confident in his abilities to be successful in school today. Now this.
My heart broke for him. I called his school counselor (which I should have done before fall break) and had him switched out of Newman's class for fifth period. He needs more adult support with social skills and bullying than she could give him. The school counselor went to ISS and explained to him that ISS was for ditching, which he needed to serve, but he would not go to that class anymore. Maybe he will understand the lessons here and learn from them. Either way, alot of progress may have been undone, and I ache for him and dread starting at square one again. One tiny baby step forward, ten huge steps backward. So unfair.
This morning, Brennan got up in a good mood. He got up with very little help, and went straight to the shower. He did not mess up the bathroom. He got a nice outfit on, came downstairs, said bye to everyone, smiled a little, got all of his school stuff together without help, and left for school 15 minutes early. Hugely successful morning!
He called me from the office a few minutes ago, nearly in tears. He was being sent to ISS but didn't know why. My feathers got ruffled and I wanted to cry too. I called the Dean and found out that he was suspended for ditching fifth period 15 days ago. Of course, on the surface, it seems a suspension is warranted for ditching. But not for a kid like Brennan. Not today! He is just starting to accept that consequences are results of his actions instead of arbitrary attacks upon him. He was so confident in his abilities to be successful in school today. Now this.
My heart broke for him. I called his school counselor (which I should have done before fall break) and had him switched out of Newman's class for fifth period. He needs more adult support with social skills and bullying than she could give him. The school counselor went to ISS and explained to him that ISS was for ditching, which he needed to serve, but he would not go to that class anymore. Maybe he will understand the lessons here and learn from them. Either way, alot of progress may have been undone, and I ache for him and dread starting at square one again. One tiny baby step forward, ten huge steps backward. So unfair.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
time
It's time to retire my favorite pair of pants. Sunlight shines right through the seat of them! They're corduroy, so you can't see anything unsightly from the outside, but I've gotten a good laugh out of them for the past few weeks. Man, they're my most comfortable pants! Sad to see them go, but I'm afraid of the inevitable bend-over-rip-show-my-chones-in-public.
It's time to catch my breath for a second. While I was typing the first paragraph, Eva's Big Sister showed up. Wow, I forgot she was coming. How'd I do that?! I even had the nerve to keep Cassandra waiting outside because I'd have scared her off with my current bed-head style. My hair is new and surprising every morning. I think I'll keep it to myself. JJ stepped up and got the bike out of the garage for Eva, and I spoke to Cassandra through a four inch opening in the front doorway. Classy, huh?
It's time to get clothes, backpacks, and attitudes ready for school to start again tomorrow. The transition is not gonna be easy for the kids. After church, we'll get everything washed, packed and ready. We'll spend lots of energy playing outside this evening, after a movie at the discount theater. That should do it. My littles get agitated and fussy about transitions, but that's nothing I can't handle.
It's time to stop saying "it's time" and get busy again.
It's time to catch my breath for a second. While I was typing the first paragraph, Eva's Big Sister showed up. Wow, I forgot she was coming. How'd I do that?! I even had the nerve to keep Cassandra waiting outside because I'd have scared her off with my current bed-head style. My hair is new and surprising every morning. I think I'll keep it to myself. JJ stepped up and got the bike out of the garage for Eva, and I spoke to Cassandra through a four inch opening in the front doorway. Classy, huh?
It's time to get clothes, backpacks, and attitudes ready for school to start again tomorrow. The transition is not gonna be easy for the kids. After church, we'll get everything washed, packed and ready. We'll spend lots of energy playing outside this evening, after a movie at the discount theater. That should do it. My littles get agitated and fussy about transitions, but that's nothing I can't handle.
It's time to stop saying "it's time" and get busy again.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
unusual
This week feels like the Twilight Zone.
Brennan is in Virginia visiting close friends for fall break. I miss him terribly. I also know that he would be having a terrible time if he was home. Every fun thing I plan is boring to him, and he doesn't do well when he is bored. Or hungry. Or jealous. Or told to do something. Or ... When Brennan ain't happy, ain't noone happy.
Thursday we went to WalMart at 715am for a last minute item Brennan needed for his trip. Met the bus at the bus stop at 740 and sent the girls off to school. I took JJ to a sitter at 8 because he was suspended, got Brennan to the airport at 830, saw him off at 1040, picked JJ up at 1115, met Brennan's therapist and case manager at my home at 1130 for a CFT meeting. Very quick lunch at 1230, and back to the bus stop by 1240 to pick up the girls since it was a half day. They got off the bus at 1250, which made us have to FLY to the school for parent teacher conferences. Yes, if I had been more organized, I would have asked the teachers to keep the girls at school, but ...
A parent teacher conference at 1:00, which lasted until 1:40 even though it was only supposed to be 10 minutes. We got a rough draft of a behavior intervention plan together, though, since four days of suspension in two weeks is a huge red flag that he needs more than he is getting. Our 1:10 parent conference was able to be rescheduled for 1:45, and then we flew to the library. I was five minutes late for my first day on the (volunteer) job. My little ones play happily on the computers, and did so while I trained. For two hours. They rock. Then dinner, movie, showers and BED.
That was Day One of my vacation.
Brennan is in Virginia visiting close friends for fall break. I miss him terribly. I also know that he would be having a terrible time if he was home. Every fun thing I plan is boring to him, and he doesn't do well when he is bored. Or hungry. Or jealous. Or told to do something. Or ... When Brennan ain't happy, ain't noone happy.
Thursday we went to WalMart at 715am for a last minute item Brennan needed for his trip. Met the bus at the bus stop at 740 and sent the girls off to school. I took JJ to a sitter at 8 because he was suspended, got Brennan to the airport at 830, saw him off at 1040, picked JJ up at 1115, met Brennan's therapist and case manager at my home at 1130 for a CFT meeting. Very quick lunch at 1230, and back to the bus stop by 1240 to pick up the girls since it was a half day. They got off the bus at 1250, which made us have to FLY to the school for parent teacher conferences. Yes, if I had been more organized, I would have asked the teachers to keep the girls at school, but ...
A parent teacher conference at 1:00, which lasted until 1:40 even though it was only supposed to be 10 minutes. We got a rough draft of a behavior intervention plan together, though, since four days of suspension in two weeks is a huge red flag that he needs more than he is getting. Our 1:10 parent conference was able to be rescheduled for 1:45, and then we flew to the library. I was five minutes late for my first day on the (volunteer) job. My little ones play happily on the computers, and did so while I trained. For two hours. They rock. Then dinner, movie, showers and BED.
That was Day One of my vacation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)