shaken

http://thebluereview.org/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother/

Brave, honorable woman, full of integrity. She's doing EVERYTHING she can to raise her family as safely as possible, absorbing most of the abuse herself in the process. Does it sound like you?

It sounds like me.

The thought occurred to me that by publishing this article, she is not only educating people, calling people to action, but also documenting that she is doing her part, but is helpless to stop her son's outbursts. Just in case. I have done the same thing, many times.

My most mentally ill child does not want to hurt a mass of people. He wants to get his way without working for it. His rages are spontaneous and short-lived. He's more likely to "borrow" a car or get shot by someone trying to protect himself, than to stage a hostage or mass murder situation.

Changing the subject totally now.

My health has not been good. I have two internal benign masses that cause some pain but not enough for insurance to authorize excision. Do I lie to get approved for surgery? Do I get surgery and dump my needful children on other people to take care of until I come out of pain-medication-stupor? I lie awake at night willing these things to disappear. I am really creeped out by them. What if they get bigger? Ew. And it's kind of painful to bend over.

So I've been embracing diet changes to treat my whole body, in hopes that my health will return to normal. I'm moving towards being at least 50% vegan and 80% grain-free! Go me. I already LOVE an organic grocery store in town, so finding what I need is pretty easy. I bought a huge load of grass-fed organic meat for the kids, plus a ton of fruits, vegetables, bulk bin nuts, seeds and rice, quinoa, coconut oil, tofu (really) and GF condiments...all for $138. Remember, I've been gluten-free for about six years. The dairy needs to get back out of my diet. I'll worry more about sugar later. That's the hardest one.

New impromptu recipes:

Quinoa, slightly overcooked, lukewarm, with dried cranberries, slivered almonds, and the juice and zest of clementine oranges. Oh my gosh YUM! I accidentally overcooked it, but the oatmeal-like mushiness made it perfect for breakfast. Hmm, I can't remember if I put a little olive oil in it to loosen it up. Coconut oil would be perfect. I'm trying that next time.

Diced, steamed yams, lukewarm, drizzled with honey and sprinkled with a lot of pepitas and a few chocolate chips. YUM. I ate that for breakfast this morning. My kids helped me. Score! I'll be making this again for dessert.

I'm trying this next: I got these little baby eggplant for ten cents each. I think they were called Indian eggplant, and they are about the size of a plum. I am going to halve these and sautee with GF peanut sauce over some (ohmygoodness, really?) grilled tofu, or if I chicken out, grilled polenta. It'll be fun.